My secret boyfriend Jake

So, I’ve got this boyfriend. Don’t worry, Jeff knows about him … oh, does he know …


See, my boyfriend’s name is Jake Roo. And while I’ve been a little bit underwhelmed with what Jake’s done for me recently, overall our relationship is quite fabulous. He’s always trying new things and he always makes me feel pretty.

But here’s my secret. I’m not just Jake Roo’s girlfriend. I’m more like his … mistress. That’s right. ::hangs head:: Sometimes, I work for Jake Roo. But he’s super private, and made me sign this lame-ass contract that I wouldn’t blog or facebook about that part of our relationship. Seems a little controlling to me, but whatever.

Alright, dropping the metaphor … getting annoyed.

But yeah. Lemme tell ya … it’s a really good gig. Jeff always laughs at me because we have no idea why they keep me. Since May, I’ve never opened a single credit card. I am like a chimpanzee smashing buttons behind the register. I’ve worked (this is not a joke) 5.5 hours in the past 6 weeks.

But I can re-arrange the shelves like a champ, fold Jackie twinsets like a champ, and am surprisingly good in the Men’s department. And the discount … oh, the discount. ::Swoon:: I hardly bring in any money, but (in my logical mind) I’m really SAVING quite a bit by working there … even though I’m buying more than I would otherwise.

I was there on Sunday, and it was slow, so I had Jeff come in and I dressed him up like a Ken doll in various outfits, including the following:

I die. Okay, so it was super fratty/60-year-old-on-a-cruise kind way, but he did actually look cute. The not-in-public kind of cute. I should have taken a picture.

Anyway, I’m going to keep my relationship with Jake semi-secret on this blog, because I’d like it to continue. But at the same time, if I can ever help you out with anything – questions, comments, looking for something … let me know! I do what I can for the people.