My secret boyfriend Jake

So, I’ve got this boyfriend. Don’t worry, Jeff knows about him … oh, does he know …


See, my boyfriend’s name is Jake Roo. And while I’ve been a little bit underwhelmed with what Jake’s done for me recently, overall our relationship is quite fabulous. He’s always trying new things and he always makes me feel pretty.

But here’s my secret. I’m not just Jake Roo’s girlfriend. I’m more like his … mistress. That’s right. ::hangs head:: Sometimes, I work for Jake Roo. But he’s super private, and made me sign this lame-ass contract that I wouldn’t blog or facebook about that part of our relationship. Seems a little controlling to me, but whatever.

Alright, dropping the metaphor … getting annoyed.

But yeah. Lemme tell ya … it’s a really good gig. Jeff always laughs at me because we have no idea why they keep me. Since May, I’ve never opened a single credit card. I am like a chimpanzee smashing buttons behind the register. I’ve worked (this is not a joke) 5.5 hours in the past 6 weeks.

But I can re-arrange the shelves like a champ, fold Jackie twinsets like a champ, and am surprisingly good in the Men’s department. And the discount … oh, the discount. ::Swoon:: I hardly bring in any money, but (in my logical mind) I’m really SAVING quite a bit by working there … even though I’m buying more than I would otherwise.

I was there on Sunday, and it was slow, so I had Jeff come in and I dressed him up like a Ken doll in various outfits, including the following:

I die. Okay, so it was super fratty/60-year-old-on-a-cruise kind way, but he did actually look cute. The not-in-public kind of cute. I should have taken a picture.

Anyway, I’m going to keep my relationship with Jake semi-secret on this blog, because I’d like it to continue. But at the same time, if I can ever help you out with anything – questions, comments, looking for something … let me know! I do what I can for the people.

What I'm Reading: The Time Traveler's Wife

I just re-read this last week for my book club (aka – eat, drink wine, talk books for 30 minutes and gossip for 90 minutes club). It had been a few years since I’d picked it up, and I remembered love, love, loving it the first time around. It was a perfect mix for me – I’m something of a sci-fi/fantasy nerd, and time travel books and movies are like my favorite EVER, plus it had the emotion of a well-done chick lit book. I was immediately sold.


This time around, I still loved it. Not everyone in my book club did, however. A few ladies flat-out hated it, in fact. As I listened to their reasons, I tried to refute them in my head – I wasn’t going to try to get them to change their opinions, but I was curious how my rationale held up against some common criticisms:

-Too confusing . Well … umm … sorry. I don’t think any of my book club friends are idiots or anything, but I think maybe they just weren’t paying that much attention. There were very few instances in this book where I felt ‘lost’. For long, anyway. Sure, sometimes you have to go a few pages to remind yourself of what year the characters are in and how old they are, but this wasn’t really too cumbersome for me.

-Too gross. Some people were really disturbed by the concepts of Henry getting sexy with himself, Henry having sex with Claire while ‘another Henry’ lay there sleeping, and of Claire miscarrying her babies outside of her body. Any they were right … these concepts were disturbing. But the weirdness of these scenes were far overshadowed for me by the overwhelming cleverness of it all – regarding the babies, especially. It was disturbing, obviously. But I was really impressed with the thought Niffenegger put into this concept – it made total sense, but wasn’t immediately obvious. If Henry’s disease is genetic, and he can’t control his time travelling, it follows that his children would suffer the same fate. Basically, yeah – it was gross. But it wasn’t just an unnecessary plot device.

-The language. Here’s the one I can get on board with. I’ve never uttered the c-u-next-Tuesday word as far as I know, but it doesn’t really bother me on a fundamental level. I’m not a prude, I guess is what I’m saying. HOWEVER, an upper-crust 21-year old woman doesn’t refer to her vajay-jay that way. She just doesn’t. When Henry said it, maybe I could buy it. Maybe. But it just felt forced, along with some of the obscure punk references, etc. that the author peppered the book with.

But really, I don’t care. This story fascinates me and makes me bawl near the end every damn time. I still highly recommend it. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but plan to when it comes out on DVD next week … it’ll be interesting to see how my girlfriend Rachel McAdams performs.

Lemme in!! I want to play face science too!

I'm such a follower. But hey, every shepherd needs some lambs, right? So when MODG and Sarah and all of facebook got their mugs calibrated by the scientists over at myheritage, I knew I needed in on that action. Can I be Asian??!? Maybe a man??!?

I trolled all the thousands of pictures in our iPhoto to try to find some pictures where it would recognize my face, and I figured out 3 things. Number 1 - there are very few photos of me facing frontwards. Number 2 - there are very few pictures of me where I'm not making an idiot face. With as much money as I spend on clothes and face products, I don't put very much effort into myself. Number 3 - God, I do some weird shit.

I plugged in my face, let the scientists analyze it ... and I got the lame-ass normals that people always tell me I look like.



I know I shouldn't complain, really. And I know I'm setting myself up because I've been hearing that I look like Jennifer Love Hewitt since 1999 ... but I don't really think she's hot. Still ... I'm bored with this selection. Bring on George Takai or someone equally as awesome, please.  Next!



Yawn!

FINE FACE SCIENTISTS. You wanna play me like that? I'll bring out the big guns. Let's see what you got. RECOGNIZE THIS.



Sigh. You know what? That's fine. I give the fuck up. Beyond thinking my double chin is wrinkles and giving me a slew of old biddies, apparently there's nothing funny about face science. Unless ... wait.



Jeff, you look like Eddie Murphy. And Ibraham Tatlises (...?). A small victory.